Fangirl: Rewrite Part 1

This is rewrite of an audio short story I did in 2013, you can check it out here. I wanted to add more depth to Jamie as a character and generally make the writing suck less. I welcome any criticisms or comments as I’m an amateur and still in the process of this rewrite.


Jamie looked at herself in the mirror. Plain, she thought. Plain Jane. Jamie always considered herself a beautiful woman trapped in the body of a chubby 16 year old. At least that’s what she told herself. She pulled the skin of her face back. Even behind the fat, her features was boring. She sighed.

She rifled through the piles of clothes on the floor. It was hard to tell what was what because it was all black. But she had to find the right one, her XCute t-shirt. She scanned her bedroom and spotted the tour dates on the back, draped over a chair. Maneuvering around her duffel bag, she snatched it up and pull it on over her camisole. She spun to catch her reflection in the mirror. Perfect. Well, as perfect as she was going to get. What else could she where to meet her idol but the shirt she bought at her very first XCute concert? She grabbed the rest of her things and threw them in her bag. Toothbrush, deodorant, hair brush, iPod and her wallet. Jamie opened it and a condom fell out. She paused for a moment…

She decided early on not to gush about the email to the online XCute community. Rob had contacted her personally. This was serious. He wanted her. With a deep breath, she placed the condom reverently back in her wallet, picked up her bag and headed out her bedroom door.

Her mom spotted her leaving from the couch, “Where are you off to?” she asked. Jamie winced in annoyance and turned into the living room. Her mother was laying on the couch, still in her robe at three in the afternoon. A pretty common occurrence in the Bentley house.

“I’m staying at Katie’s tonight, remember?”
Her mom’s eyes glazed over for a moment.
“Oh right, okay.” and turned back to the television.
Jamie stood in the doorway for moment, looking at her mom.

“I may stay over Sunday too.”
“…and she’ll probably just give me a ride to school on Monday.”
“…that’s why I brought so much stuff.”

She should have been relieved as she turned back down the hall. For once in her life her mom’s apathy had been to her advantage. But she wasn’t. Mom was drunk, no surprise there. Except this time it felt different, like an insult. She was about to meet the most important person in her life. Her soul mate. After today she would never be the same old Jamie Ann Bentley and her mom was too sloshed to see that. She slammed the screen door as she left. It was going to be a long walk to the bus station.

Jamie gave the bus ticket to the driver with a shaky hand. But as he tore the end off and handed it back her spirits began to lift. She could now push the conversation with her mom- if one could call it that- to the back of her mind. Her heart raced as the bus left the station. No going back now. I’m going meet Rob Denhart! There were only a few other passengers and they had all seated themselves far away from her.

Jamie pulled out her iPod, set it to the most recent XCute album, and let her mind wander. She thought of the condom…

It had almost happened.

That night with Cole Sheldon, her study partner for Physics. It was her first kiss, first time getting felt up… there were a lot of firsts that night. She had reached over and pulled the condom out of the bedside table and offered it to him. She remembered he looked like a deer caught in headlights. Cole had paused, looking down at it from on top of her. Then he scrambled off the bed, pulled on his jeans and Green Lantern t-shirt and left. Leaving all his notes and backpack behind. Later she cried so hard she vomited.

That had been three months ago and Jamie felt she was over it. Cole had never spoken to her to since, even when she returned his backpack. But she finally understood that it was for the best. That even though she had been rejected, it was meant to happen.

The bus was headed out of town now and in her heart she hoped this would be the last time she saw this shit hole. Rob could take her away… to Los Angeles or New York. She was young but celebrities were above the law. All it takes is money, she thought.

Heat started to rise up in her face as she looked at Denhart’s face on the album cover.

He was a beautiful man. Jamie thought he was more beautiful than most women and certainly more beautiful than she’d ever been. His green eyes looked up from the microphone, his face was mesmerizing. His body was perfection. Rob was her muse. He inspired her to write all sorts of fan fiction about the band members, something she had never done before. But to her amazement, the stories were quite popular.

She quickly became a regular author on, a site that was infamous for having only the smuttiest and most tawdry types of fan fiction. Jamie was thankful she chose a pen name as the stories were…deeply personal. Lily Von Eades was her alias and the heroine of her stories, the most recent post was an erotic account of this alter ego meeting Rob. So when she had gotten an email from Rob Denhart himself two days ago, she was overcome with a mixture of exhilaration and deep embarrassment.

I was moved by your story, and by your dedication to the band. I’d like to meet . . .

“Moved by your story?” Which story? There were almost thirty. The most popular were the ones where she paired off the members with each other. But she was certain she knew the one he meant.

A story wherein Lily Von Eades was the lead singer of a rock band playing at the same venue. Rob is enchanted with her immediately. After saving her from a gang of thugs, he professes his love and Lily reveals her secret: she’s a virgin. Intoxicated by her beauty, Rob takes her right there as she tries to fend him off, but eventually submits in bashful compliance.

She had daydreamed often about a chance meeting with Rob at a concert wherein he fell desperately in love with her. A happy coincidence where they found themselves sitting next to each other on an airplane or stuck in a broken elevator. Surely once he had time to get to know her, he’d realize how special she was. She wasn’t just a face in the crowd screaming up at the stage; she was in love with him. She dreamed about him at night. Memorized his lyrics, re watched interviews with the band over and over and over.
Fantasies blossomed in her mind, he would love her and steal her away- the laws be damned. Nothing was going to stop them. The scenery drifting by outside was rural now. Jamie finally started to relax and tried to sleep. She wanted to dream of him.

Her dreams were normally as bland and unexceptional as Jaime herself. She often dreamed about coming to school naked or being chased by shadows in the dark. She would wake up with only fragmented memories.

Which is why what she began to dream on the bus was so unusual.

She was standing in a sunny field. What she noticed immediately was that she could feel the warmth of the sun. There were flowers speckled about the grass, and far away she could hear a stream trickling. She smelled sweet water. But the area still retained a dream-like quality. Everything far away seemed to blur, as if the world faded as soon as it was out of her perception. Underneath the sound of water and grass, there was another sound. A low, undulating hum that Jamie couldn’t place. It was an unnerving sound.
She heard footsteps in the grass behind her. As she turned she felt slowed, like she was moving underwater. The motion made her stomach fly into a tailspin, but she turned to face the steps anyway. A figure stepped out from the blurred horizon.
It was a woman.
Jamie recognized her instantly. Lily Von Eades, exactly as she had imagined her. Perfect hourglass figure, pale skin and the type of rich auburn hair Jamie had always dyed her hair to mimic. Her red lips were curved into a stern frown as she stared at her author.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
Her tone was not what Jamie expected, accusing with a touch of condescension. It was off putting, she crossed her arms in front of her stomach. She knew, as one often does in dreams, what Lily was asking.

“I…I’m…” she began. Lily cocked a eyebrow.
“Rob Denhart read my stories. He wants to meet me. Me.”she nearly squealed in excitement, but corrected herself, “Well, us, technically.” She added this like a bribe. As if the invitation for Lily to join her would somehow make her stop looking at her that way.

It did not.

Part 2 coming soon


EvilQuest – Retro-style RPG Done Right


A recent harvest of new indie game demos from XBOX Live introduced me to EvilQuest byChaosoft. The artwork for the game and screenshots made me suspicious it was another RPG Maker catastrophe. But don’t be fooled. I’ll admit the game caught me off guard, it’s not just fun, the story line is also compelling.

The big draw for EvilQuest is that you play as the villain, Galvis. At first this might seem a bit hokey, but keep going. Although Galvis is undeniably a monstrous psychopath, the game introduces a level of moral ambiguity that I didn’t expect. This is all complimented by hilariously over-the-top dialogue that actually manages to endear the player to Galvis and his incredible douchebaggery.  

As for gameplay, EvilQuest feels similar to Legend of Zelda. The player controls Galvis as he searches the world for the Chaos Axe that’s been scattered to different parts of the world. The world feels expansive and diverse despite having a limited tile set. I have to say I really underestimated how interested I would be in an RPG that looked so simplistic. But I found myself ignoring my triple A games to play EvilQuest. And this is only Chaosoft’s second game EVER. That’s impressive.

The game took only about five hours to beat over the course of two days. But it was five very satisfying hours. One major reason is that EvilQuest has no grinding. The player levels up at a steady pace and the entire world scales to match that. There are no tedious fetch quests that bloat the main story line and pad the running time. I thought this would feel overly simplistic but it was actually refreshing.


 Really the only drawback are the graphics, which are basic. We had a good laugh at the soldiers who from certain angles look like giant dongs. But what it lacks in glamor it makes up for by being genuinely fun. And eventually the look of the game really grew on me. The sprites are simple, but many are lovingly crafted, I especially liked the dragon’s hand drawn fire blasts. Overall EvilQuest feels like it was made with a lot of care and a passion for gaming.

VERDICT: EvilQuest looks dated, but it’s amazeballs. Can’t wait for EvilQuest 2.

Check out Chaosoft’s website here.

Super Amazing Wagon Adventure is Super Amazing

I belong to a generation of now adults who grew up playing The Oregon Trail on floppy disk. If you didn’t grow up with this series then most likely you find our devotion to it baffling. The Oregon Trail had many incarnations but now seems to have lost all steam, replacing it’s hilarious live action actors with ho-hum cartoon clip art. Or maybe I’m just a grown up now, whatever. Few games have been able to fill the void left in our hearts. Enter Super Wagon Adventure*


Super Wagon Adventure takes the premise of The Oregon Trail and injects it with a high dose of internet weirdness. The game begins fairly normal, you pick three companions to join you on your wagon adventure to Oregon*. Then you’re attacked by bandits, then perhaps one of your comrades leaves the wagon to hunt for mushrooms, then perhaps one of those mushrooms sends your friend into a violent drug hallucination in which they must fight off their inner demons or die trying. I say “perhaps” because this is one of hundreds of different encounters that are possible. The game is quick paced, so in a matter of minutes I had shot at skunks, fought a bear, found a unicorn, been launched into space, and dodged a stampeding herd of buffalo.

There a plenty of unlockable wagons and achievements to acquire, however after playing the game religiously for about two days I had only unlocked one.

One downside to the game is that there are no checkpoints or saving mechanism, it’s made to be played from beginning until however far you get. When all three of your adventurers are dead, you start over at the beginning. Coupled with the games fairly high difficulty it can get pretty frustrating.

Controller-throwing temper tantrums aside, the game is fun and hilarious. I can safely say I never thought I would attacked by giants ants on the Oregon Trail.

VERDICT: Super Wagon Adventure is super weird. But also super fun. And super cheap I say go for it!

*YES. I’ve played Organ Trail, it’s just the same game model with zombies. Will you people ever let the zombie thing die?
*Which incidentally is the state I live in. We’re awesome.

Titan Attacks

Whenever I’m tired of sifting through the homogenous aliens and zombie games on XboxLive, I like to take a break to look at the games offered in the Indie section. Now these vary wildly in quality. Many are just games for Xbox avatars, Minecraft clones and of course that classic: puzzle game with naked girls underneath (you guys know the internet exists, right?). But every once in while an indie developer will really impress me.  So let’s take a look at developer PuppyGames title Titan Attacks.


When I first downloaded the trial my first instinct was it’s just another Space Invaders clone. And technically- it is. They’re website calls it “Neo Retro Arcade”, but it is so much more than just Space Invaders. The premise is simple. Aliens are attacking- shoot them. No points for originality, but the game definitely makes up for it in gameplay.

First of all, the game looks and sounds great. It updated the classic space invader graphics without losing the the retro feel. The player controls a tank at the bottom of the screen and shoots upward toward the approaching baddies. Although you’re not flying, the game controls a lot like the old Raiden carpet bombers of yore. This is where Titan Attacks really sets itself apart from just another clone. The player gets money for each alien shot down and can use it to upgrade the tank between levels.

This system adds a whole new element of strategy to a game that would otherwise get old pretty quick. Players can either spend money on more shield points for the next immediate level or save up for a new gun or extra bullets. Once you’ve beaten the invaders back from Earth, it’s onward to the Moon and so on with increasing difficulty.

Speaking of which, the difficulty is spot on, it doesn’t coddle the player and expects you to hold your own against the alien onslaught. But when you die, and you will, it’s always because of player error. I never once felt cheated out of a life by an unfair glitch.

 VERDICT: The game is insanely addictive. I highly recommend buying Titan Attacks on either Xbox or Steam.

The Egypt Story

So a dwarf and a lady walk into a pyramid…


The professor stuffed tobacco into his pipe as he eyed the entrance to the pyramid. He paced nervously, waiting for his assistant to light the way. Standing only four feet tall, he had learned never to take chances with his footing.

“I say, Ms. Darbyshire, are you quite all right down there?” he called.
In the depths below his assistant rolled her eyes,
“For Heaven’s sake, Professor, I’ve been with you for seven months. Please call me Victoria. And yes, I’ve almost got the final torches lit. Take a rest if you need to…”
“Rest!? he shouted. “Confound it, woman-” He thought better of himself and stopped. He gave a frustrated look to their camels they had tied to a makeshift post.

Professor Maxamillian Book and Victoria Darbyshire’s working relationship was one more of necessity than anything else. The eccentricity of his theories, as well as his short stature, won him few colleagues. Victoria’s sin was being born the wrong gender for her particular field of interest. The two tolerated each other in exchange for being taken seriously as a scientist.

“We’re on the precipice of a major discovery! If my calculations are correct, and they most assuredly are, the jade statue of Bastet should be here.”

Victoria lit the last torch and wiped her forehead. Her studies at the library had taught her Egyptian history and how to translate hieroglyphs, but it hadn’t prepared her for the claustrophobic nature of a real pyramid. The passageway, if it could be called that, was only two feet wide and Victoria found herself for the first time thankful she was so slight. Although the work was dirty and cloying, she relished the opportunity to wear trousers as she tramped back up the steep staircase in a huff.

“This investigation would go much faster if you hadn’t insisted on lighting the way with torches every five feet,” she said, marching through the entrance. “The measurements alone are a ghastly waste of time!”

She had let her temper flair, and now a wave of regret washed over her as she saw his cane leaning against the stone entrance. A moment of silence passed between them. She swallowed hard.

“What I mean is, you’re more than capable of-” she began, but Book dismissed it with a wave of his hand.

“It’s not that, my dear,” he said bluntly and his eyes drifted far away to the East. “You’re still young yet. But I’m an old man…” His eyes wandered. “…and I do not wish to tempt what awaits in the darkness.” Book stood quietly for a moment, lost in thought.

He snapped back to reality. “…Egads! Are you finished, Ms. Darbyshire!?”
“Vic-” she corrected.

“Then we’re off!” he trumpeted as he raced down the steps, lantern in hand. Victoria followed quickly, snatching up his cane on her way past.

The light of the desert sun faded quickly as they descended the steps into the pyramid. When they reached the bottom the Professor handed Victoria the lantern so he could inspect some hieroglyphs carved into the wall. He muttered to himself, tracing his fingers over the pictures lightly. But he quickly disregarded it and hurried along.

The stone, white walls began to open up into a larger room and Victoria breathed a sigh of relief.

“What’s the library’s interest in this statue?” she mused, thinking back to the tedious hours she’d spent at the University of Cairo library. “I must have cataloged a hundred jade statues in the repository.”

“Nothing whatsoever,” he said mechanically as his mind was clearly elsewhere. “This is a personal venture. Are you familiar with Priest Amunatet?”

Victoria scanned her memory.

“I believe so…Old Kingdom, 2200 B.C?”

Book gave her a proud smile. “Spot on, my dear!” He continued down the passageway.

“Amunatet was said to have had the extraordinary ability to communicate with the Gods. Accounts say he would be lost in deep meditation for days, and then snap awake, dictating messages from beyond this world in a strange language.”

“Ah. I understand your need to a linguist now. And the statue…?”

“The jade statue may be last surviving relic to have been inscribed with the bizarre phraseology-” he stopped mid sentence and lashed his cane to the side blocking Victoria’s path. He eyed the ground and then took his cane and tripped a wire that had been covered in dust. There was a great whoosh as three large darts flew past the two archeologists and into the opposite wall. Victoria blinked in astonishment.

“Well done, sir,” she said.

Book adjusted his monocle. “Indeed.” They hurried along.

The passage soon opened up even further into a great room. Victoria stared in wonder. The room was full of statues, great stacks of papyrus, jewelry, and all other manner of trinkets. She beamed with pride; to think Victoria Anne Darbyshire was inside a Pharaoh’s tomb! Why, just a year ago she thought she would never leave London. If her sisters could see her now!

“Success!” she announced victoriously.

“Yes, this is it! Right here!” she heard Professor Book say from behind her. She turned to see him staring triumphantly at a blank wall. She looked on, dumbfounded.

This antechamber is a ruse! Created to distract degenerate grave robbers. Our real treasure is through here! He began to feel along the edge of the wall.

“What are you looking for?” she asked, trying to peel her eyes away from the piles of artifacts.

He smiled broadly. “This.” He pressed a small depression and the entire wall began to rumble as it slid to the side. Through it there was only darkness, the two pressed onward, shining the lantern to light their way. After a short, cramped passageway the walls gave way to an gigantic room. The professor squealed with delight. “That’s it! There in the center!” By the light of the flame Victoria could see a procession of steps leading to an altar in the middle of the chamber. She studied the area suspiciously as Book hurried over to inspect the altar’s contents,

“Sir, this … this can’t be right.”
“Yes it is! This is it!”

“No, Professor–the room. This is impossible…” But he was already up the stairs.

Book stared in adoration at the small statue perched in the middle of the table, surrounded by incense and other sacrificial items. It was a bright green figure of a cat, its back and shoulders arched with extreme exaggeration. The mouth was open wide, bearing sharp teeth. He was positively ecstatic and could barely recognize that Victoria was talking to him.

“It’s far too…enormous. There’s no way we’re still in the pyramid. Professor Book, please!” She dashed up the steps behind him.

“Oh for God’s sake, Victoria–what!?” he snapped, “Can’t you appreciate the discovery we’ve just made? This chamber hasn’t been opened in thousands of years!”

“I’m not sure…” she trailed off and pointed slowly at the sticks of incense which in his excitement he hadn’t realized were still billowing smoke.

Book’s face went blank. He put his hands, which had been hovering excitedly over the statue, at his side mechanically. They both stared in silence at the winding cords of smoke.

It was Victoria who spoke first. “This isn’t right… not just the room.”

“This,” she gestured toward the figure, “is not Basteet, and to be perfectly frank I’m not even sure it’s Egyptian.”

“Quite,” he answered. But his voice was empty and far away. He seemed to be coming to a horrible realization that Victoria was not privy to.

There was a stirring in the darkness and Book snapped to attention.

“My dear,” said Book, “I believe it’s time we take our leave.” She nodded in agreement and the two began to back away down the stair case.

A rush of sound and light behind them sent Victoria whipping around to face three robed figures with torches. Professor Book rushed in front of her, attempting to look as intimidating as a middle-aged dwarf with a cane possibly could.

Victoria commanded them to move aside in Arabic, but the figures were silent and unmoving. Book held up his hand, gesturing for her to be quiet and took a step forward. He began to speak a different language to the figures; in all her studies at the academy she had never heard anything like it. The dialect was gibberish to her, but the group took notice and recoiled.

“Who are they?” Victoria whispered.
“Cultists,” Book said quietly.
“To a dead God forgotten by history.” His statement seemed more aimed at the robed men than Victoria.
They conferred for a moment and looked again at Professor Book. Suddenly Victoria spotted the figure on the left drawing a long curved blade from its robe.

“Professor!” she screamed, dropping the lantern. Without a moments hesitation she leaped into the air, clearing the Professor’s head, delivering a flying roundhouse kick that sent all three cultists crashing to the ground.

“Ms. Darbyshire!” Book was so stunned his monocle popped out.
“Run, you fool!” she yelled as she dashed past the group of cultists who were just regaining their footing.

The professor snatched up his cane and took off after his assistant. Having dropped the lantern the two hurried back through the narrow passageway in complete darkness. The only sound their own breathe and the furious howling of their pursuers.

Book huffed as he ran, “This…is why…we light…torches!”

They ran back through the antechamber, past the beacons of light Victoria had staked in place, up the stairs, and finally into the bronze light of the desert. Book turned to see the cultists dashing up the stairs behind them. He snagged one the saddle bags attached to the camels while Victoria untied the reins. With considerable effort, he heaved it down the stairs and it collided with the men.

“Ha ha!” he shouted. “Take that, you Stygian scalawags!”

“Sir! Let’s go!” Victoria was frantic. In an egregious breach of protocol, she grabbed Professor Book by the back of his vest and hoisted him roughly on his camel saddle before pulling herself onto her own. He was still regaining his composure as they rode off into the desert.

After a long distance, it seemed the cultists had not followed them. The two breathed a sigh of relief.

“I say, Victoria,good show back there. Damn good show.” He was referring to the kick.

Victoria blushed. “My brother, John, was stationed in Asia for quite some time. He learned all sorts of-” but she trailed off as she realized the professor was no longer looking at her. He was looking behind them. Gradually a low rumbling noise began.

Victoria turned into the setting sun to see what had grabbed his attention. The pyramid they had just escaped was shaking. With a loud crash long metal spires shot out of the sand surrounding the pyramid. The camels reared in fright and the two looked on in horror. Each of the six spires began to bend in two places and then stabbed back into the desert sand.

“By Jove,” Book gasped.

The new metal legs the pyramid had sprouted now lifted it into the air in a tornado of dust and metallic screeching. It now began to give chase.

Victoria shook herself out of her stunned state and whipped her camel into a run. The wind picked up and sand blasted her face from every direction. From behind her she could barely hear Book screaming expletives at the approaching gargantuan device. As he rode up beside her, she could see the flicker of his tobacco pipe beings jostled up and down. He was lighting something she couldn’t make out in the commotion. Suddenly Book whirled around in his saddle.
“RULE BRITANNIA!” he bellowed and hurled the item into the path of the approaching pyramid.

The was a roaring explosion from behind them that almost lifted the camels through the air. For the moment, Victoria was deaf with only a high-pitched siren resounding in her head. All she could see was the professor laughing triumphantly and make rude gestures to the machine. Thankfully the explosion had slowed down the pyramid.

Professor Book spotted the hot air balloon their supplies had arrived in, although the attendant, no doubt seeing the utter pandemonium that was approaching, had long since fled. Victoria dismounted ungracefully; Book crashing to the ground almost immediately. The two heaved themselves into the basket and launched without delay.

It was still coming at them, but it was clear that they were now too high to be in its reach. Victoria crouched in exhaustion, “Oh thank heavens,” she gushed, almost sobbing. Book, on the other hand, was chuckling to himself. His face was full of zeal as he stood on a sandbag, staring out at the oncoming pyramid.

Victoria stared at him in amazement.

“What on Earth has gotten into you? Why are you laughing!? We almost died!”

He turned to her with a look as if he’d forgotten she was there.

“What’s gotten into me!? Forget the jade statue!

This…this thing,” he flailed wildly toward the machination, “will be my greatest discovery!” He through up his hands and shouted down at the pyramid that continued to lumber in pursuit.

“You hear me!? I’ll be accepted into the Gentlemen Archeologists Society! Huzzah!”

He turned in tearful glee back to Victoria, “I can see the papers now! ‘Shortest Scientist in his field discovers 80 foot-” but that’s when the edge of the cliff caught his eye. The pyramid was following them and was making no adjustment to avoid it.

His expression turned from happiness to complete horror.

“No…NO NO NO NO!” he screamed in impotent rage as the device toppled, ass over tea kettle, off the precipice and crashed into the ravine. Within moments his finest discovery had been reduced to a pile of unrecognizable rubble.

Book and Victoria looked out somberly as the balloon drifted quietly over the ravine.

Book frowned. “Blast.”

Alex the Badass – Creation of a Superhero

Standing only 5’5, our heroine is unassuming. She, let’s call her Alex, works as a maid cleaning the homes of the excessively rich. Yes, a maid. And no, not that kind of maid. None of that faffing about in french aprons. We’re talking a modern cleaning lady in knee pads and latex gloves. The job is demeaning and the pay is shit. But at night- at night she fights crime. On a goddamn motorcycle. Oh and she knows Krav Maga. Yeah, sweet. Alex is confident and snarky, but also hotheaded. We’ll make her hair fire engine red to really drive that point home. So she’ll have to wear the helmet when she fights so know one can know her identity.


So at night she roams the streets of… uh Portland? Yeah. Portland is weird, no one would blink and eye at a short girl on a motorcycle with a stun baton. Oh she has a stun baton by the way. The retractable kind so she can whip it out like wich-chaa. And then beat the shit out of criminals. But she doesn’t kill them because she doesn’t do that. She has a strict code of ethics because someone has to now that Superman is killing people.


Her outfit is utilitarian. So of course a badass motorcycle jacket, pants, and boots. Not sexy heeled boots, like Doc Martens. Who the Hell would want to try and fight crime in heels? That’s just stupid. Oh and she wasn’t raped. Ever. It’s never a thing. She might stop a rapist or two, but it never happens to her. Because God, why would I ever want to talk about rape in my escapist action fantasy? That shit is real enough.


So she fights crime, but if she’s such a badass why not become a police officer and earn slightly more than she does scrubbing floors? That’s a good question, is it because the police are corrupt and evil? No, because that’s played out and lame. People put their lives on the line every day and we repay them by shitting all over them in our media because you got that speeding ticket that one time. Maybe she failed the psych exam or something. I don’t know, we’ll figure that out later.


Oh- and her love interest is adorbes! She’s a librarian so big glasses, oversized Cosby sweaters, leggings and cute boots. She can have heels if she wants because she’s not fighting crime. Her name is Lisa. She’s shy and nerdy, but super smart and knows a shit ton about history which will come in handy a lot. Lisa leaves the library late at night and gets mugged, but then Alex is all like wich-cha and kicks the muggers ass. Of course at first Alex can’t accept she loves her because of her horrible fear of intimacy. I don’t mean sex, I mean in the way of trusting others and letting people into your comfort zone. She sucks at that. Don’t worry, they’ll make out eventually.


You know what we need? Some foil. A character who is in stark contrast to Alex to help distinguish her character. Let’s make him a cop. But not a dick cop, we’ve been over this. He’ll be calm, pragmatic and believe in the law. We’ll call him Wade. Wade will try and stop her at first. But after she brings down the kingpin of that human trafficking ring, well, he has a change of heart. After all, thanks to a lot of legal bribes the douche would have gotten off scott free. Maybe there is a place in the world for vigilante justice. Eventually he starts helping her and arrests a bunch of the people she beat the crap out of too.


Alex will struggle with her sense of right and wrong, whether she’s doing more harm than good and explore her own flawed nature. She’ll also have lots of cool conversations with Wade about justice and stuff. Yeah, sweet.